October is dysautonomia awareness month…to celebrate this event, my body has decided to throw itself into the biggest flare I’ve had since last December…if you’re a dedicated reader of this blog you know that last December was the lowest of the low for me. Thus far, October hasn’t been any better. I’ve been experiencing tachycardia…at time in the 200 beats per minute range, pre-syncope, extreme dizziness, migraines, intense brain fog, and an overall feeling of extreme fatigue. Sounds like fun doesn’t it?! 😉 I’ve continued to manage my day to day…but just barely. By the time I get home from work I need to lay down for pretty much the rest of the night. It’s been hard on my husband, on me, and on my children. That by far is the worst part. I hate when I hear them say “Mommy can’t…she’s tired” it breaks my heart into a million pieces. I can feel the depression of chronic illness floating in, and I can cry at the drop of a hat. It just really hasn’t been a good few weeks.
So! How have I been trying to cope?! Well, this time, I’m trying not to hide what’s going on. I’ve been much more upfront with my support network…”this just really isn’t going well”…this was an incredibly difficult shift for me. I put aside my natural instinct to say “I’m okay…” and I told the truth. In turn, they have stepped up in amazingly helpful ways!
My sister made us a delicious dinner and her boyfriend (one of my best friends) brought it over and ate with me…
My mom, sister, brother-in-law, and second mom came over and deep cleaned my house…we’re talking they scrubbed all of the baseboards, behind the stove, the dryer vent, in between the tiles…every nook and cranny this house has! It’s still sparkling!
My best friends took my babies for the day and totally spoiled them rotten! The kids came home so happy and I was able to have a break for an entire day.
My cousin brought my nachos, breadsticks and ice cream for dinner…then we sat and watched BRAVO for a few hours…needless to say this is ALWAYS helpful! 😉
My aunts have checked in, my dad came over after work and played with the kids, my in-laws have come down (an hour drive for them!) to cover the kids so I can attend class or get my haircut, my co-workers are checking in and making sure I don’t need anything, friends are texting, messaging and letting me know they are there…the list goes on and on and on…
It’s because of this help that I can continue to manage. Does it suck? Yes. Is it hard? Yes. Does the depression scare the crap out of me? YES! But, I know that this is just a flare, and that I will get on the other side of this at some point.
Additionally, another dark side of being ill is that you will lose some people in your life too…or your relationship with them will drastically change. Not everyone is up to the challenge of sticking around as you battle this. Not everyone will understand, and not everyone will be kind to you. Your feelings will be hurt. It’s not a good thing…and it’s not a bad thing…it just is. Instead of trying to fight and hold on…I’ve learned that is far easier to just let it go. There are much bigger battles ahead. Hold on tight to the people who listen, who care, who forgive you for not being yourself and who treat you right…those are the people who will help you see the good days again! ❤