Wow! Welcome to December! It feels like 2015 just began, and just like that, it’s over! What a year it’s been! Full of ups and downs and everything in between. But, before I turn into an emotional sap, let’s keep this blog moving!
The holidays are in full swing in our household. We hosted Thanksgiving at our house, immediately followed by putting up our Christmas Tree, covering our house in white lights, the return of our Elf on the Shelf, Christmas movies, Christmas parades and (like most of us…) trying to fit everything into this jammed packed full time of year! Phew. I’m exhausted just typing it out!
The good news is this…I’ve been doing okay! The major battle these days with POTS has been fatigue. Not just the “oh, I’m a little sleepy” kind…the “there is no way you are getting your ass out of bed until you sleep for 3 more hours” kind! It’s a challenge when I have to be at work at 7:30, and at the hockey rink on the weekends. But, we push through it and keep plugging away. Thankfully I have the best husband ever and he does morning duty with the kids…if I had to do that…well, I just couldn’t do that! 🙂 All in all (for right now!), POTS is something that I’m living with, not something I’m struggling with and that’s pretty nice! Now, everyone who is reading this PLEASE knock on wood, I do NOT want to jinks myself!! 🙂
If I’m perfectly honest though, I felt the need to blog tonight and I wasn’t really sure why. Typically I blog after a big event, or after something major has changed with my health. Tonight, that’s not the reason. As I sit here snug in my bed, I think the reason is more because I’m a ball of nerves about this upcoming week…for several reasons, and I clearly just want to let it all out! One reason being that this time of year always sneaks up on me and then hits me like a ton of bricks. When I was 19 I experienced the loss of a person in my life…a person that I was not ready to lose, no one was. When you are 19 you feel young and invincible…you feel like you have the world at your feet and everything is a possibility. It just never crossed my mind that a possibility would be losing someone in a tragic, careless, horrific, car accident. 18 year old’s are not supposed to die. They just aren’t. And it still haunts me…even to this day. December 12th is just the worst day of the year. On this same date three years later my grandmother, the sweetest woman to walk the planet, also passed away, from Alzheimer’s. Her death was far more easy to comprehend…she was an “old” lady, she was suffering, and it was her time to go. Still though…December 12th is just crap. I try to honor this day by lighting a candle for them…remembering the silly stories…and hugging my babies extra tight. I try to make it a positive…but sometimes the sadness just creeps in.
Secondly, I’m set to have a minor procedure (I like that word FAR better than minor surgery) done on Thursday, and I’m terrified. Now, before anyone freaks out, it’s not a huge deal, and I’m going to spare the male readers of this blog the specifics. It’s a lady issue, and the doctors are trying to save me from having to have a full blown hysterectomy at 32…which I appreciate! None the less, there is anesthesia involved and that’s where it can get complicated with POTS patients. I cannot tell you how many stories I’ve read of potsies having a really hard time going under, staying under, and waking back up. Sounds nice doesn’t it?! Because we have no control over our heart rate, breathing rate, and blood pressure…and our bodies tend to just throw these systems out of wack on a whim, it can make for a very complicated situation. Deep down I know that it will all be fine (it just has to be!)…these doctors know what they are doing, and I’ve voiced my concerns. They’ve even been in contact with my specialist at Mass General to make sure all the i’s are dotted and t’s are crossed…but still!! There is just a level of anxiety around this that I cannot kick. I have been doing well the past few weeks, I don’t want to move backwards.
Finally, with these things on my plate, the everyday little stuff (the grad school homework, the errand running, the stress at work, the junk that everyone always deals with…) just seems like it can be too much. My fuse is a lot shorter than it normally is. I can be punchy at times, over sensitive at others and bitchy more often than I’d enjoy 😉
…but I’m ALWAYS 100% grateful for my family and friends who love and support me no matter what. It means the world to have a group of people who help when it gets dark like this for me. I just love you all so much.
Anyway, I’ll make sure to blog this crazy experience…I’m really hoping that I can publish a blog that will make other POTS patients feel HOPEFUL about undergoing a medial procedure. Let’s hope I’m that statistic where there were no complications and everything worked out fine!
Now, I’m serious…everyone knock on wood!!